The Golden Braid

Weaving Wonderful Worlds

Patented Silliness — Full body teleportation system

A true example of the flawed US Patent system at work.

Some other examples of the inventor's pending patent applications (original source):


[0001] This invention is a system that teleports a human being through hyperspace from one location to another using a pulsed gravitational wave traveling through hyperspace.


[0002] The basis for this invention is an event, referring to FIG. 1, occurring on May 2, 2004, in which the inventor ("he") personally experienced a full-body teleportation while walking to the bus stop (A) along a road (B) that runs perpendicular to the nearby commercial airport runways where planes are landing. There is a wide iron grating (D) for water drainage that crosses the road at the center of the bus stop. The grating width is such that one has to make a concerted effort to jump across it in order to get from one side to the other. Approximately 50 meters from the iron grating, he (E) felt a vertical wave (F), similar to a flag waving in the breeze, traveling down the street toward the bus stop. The wave velocity was about 1 meter per second, which was slightly faster than his walking speed. In the next instance, he (G) found himself down the street near the corner of the next block. Realizing that he had passed the bus stop, he turned around to see the iron grating approximately 50 meters up the street in back of him. Because there was no recollection of having jumped across the iron grating nor of having passed the bus stop's yellow marker line, he realized that he had been teleported a distance of 100 meters while moving along with the traveling wave. It was obvious that the wave was pulsed because the front edge overtook the inventor, moved with him momentarily, and then the back edge of wave left him as it moved on down the street. While contemplating this sequence of events, he then looked up and saw in a span of a few seconds a twin-turboprop airplane (C) in the distance crossing above the road while making a shallow descent in order to land at the airport.

[0003] It took a number of days in order to understand this sequence of events. The explanation involves knowledge of a wide range of subjects such as gravitation physics, hyperspace physics, wormhole electromagnetic theory and experimentation, quantum physics, and the nature of the human energy field."

— United States Patent Application 20060071122


May 13, 2006 - Posted by | Politics, Science

1 Comment »

  1. Hi. I am an inventor for the government oof Canadia. I studied paranormal physics in college and I work for a governmental task force known as the North-Atlantic Paranormal and Psychokinetic Studies Organization, which investigates any verifiable cases of paranormal or psychokinetic activities in the public or private sector. I came across this very same case while doing resaerch on a woman who claimed to be able to generate light from an “ectoplasmic layer” in another “dimension”. I have worked to try to prove one way or another if this man’s abnormal feat is scientifically valid and worthy of any government attention and research, but I have found no evidence as to the validity of his claims or even if he was able to do it at all. I have been forced to conclude that this is most-likely a hoax perpetrated by the inventor in question and not worthy of being patented or receiving any undue governmentional attintion.

    Comment by Dr. Smit Houghtaling | July 1, 2006 | Reply

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